Uncertainty (poem draft)

this morning i erased a child

from my mind

and although ive had other children before

she was the realest so far

with each year that’d pass i’d venture more

to imagine her hair

thick and dark

and her clementine skin tone,

her eyes golden mud puddles like yours

and with our combined, deeply soft voice

i saw our girl through fogged glass

or maybe she was a boy

with a troublesome smirk like yours

but inside him,

a mind we’d both form

with the right inclinations

the lessons you and i had learned

and like a duck to water

he’d surf the waves of life

or she’d do

with a monster truck force

i imagined she’d have no problems

and any he did we’d see her through

when i imagined this little child,

this thing that was equally me and you

the worst state is to imagine

to picture something that may not come to,

unreachable as the future,

as far as memory,

as close as intended invention

but today i erased it all,

shut out short visions

that would never be true

though, briefly,

in some world aside life and death,

lived a child

that was both me and you